Hard Out Here for a [Web 2.0] Pimp.

ya know it's hard out here for a pimp
when he tryin' to get his money for the rent.
for the cadillacs and gas money spent
cuz' a whole lot of bitches talkin' shit.

well for what it's worth, i did make rent this month, G.

but lemme tell you, it ain't easy being a Web 2.0 P-I-M-P.

Image via Wikipedia

...especially in these Good Times we got going on around here.  banks going belly up, people losing their homes & jobs... damn.  people so fucking scared they voted a brother into the white [sic] house.  i guess that's progress, but now we got our asses in both hands worrying about credit card debt, mortgage foreclosures, and wondering whether we gonna get PAID.  better go slap the shit out my startups and make sure they come up with the Cash-Money, G.  damn straight. 

now listen up bitches:

Most of the time, entrepreneurs think about 2 types of users:

• Visitors ("Johns")

• Image via Wikipedia

  Contributors ("HOs")

Simply put, there are "HOs" who contribute content to your site (they give you their stuff, or "put out").  The rest of the people on your site are the "Johns" who visit & view the content... and might even pay you some cash money (if it's good shit).

However, typically a 3rd & very important audience is forgotten about, which is quite likely even more important than either of the two above.  this is the group of people who promote & distribute existing content / refer new users, altho they might not ever contribute any original content themselves:

• Distributors ("Pimps")

Image via Wikipedia

These folks help share, digg, tweet, email, & embed your content, promote it to new audiences, and bring users back to your site.  They are the "Pimps" who distribute your content.  And most likely, they are WAAAAAAyyyy more important (relatively speaking) than the Johns or the Hos.

(disclaimer & note to self: i'm pretty sure at this point i have now lost most of my female audience, and/or anyone with any shred of class or civilized sensibility.  for those of you still with me, i hope you find the rest of this post worth the crass language & white-trash upbringing i am helpless to remove from my discourse)

See, most folks probably design their site audiences like this:

1) first, let's get people to contribute content, so i'll emphasize THEIR needs and orient the site & features around CONTRIBUTORS (HOs).

2) next, i need to make sure people who are just average VISITORS (Johns) can view the site well, so i'll build lots of ways to use & experience that content.  and hopefully they're share some of it too, and maybe we'll "go viral"!

3) lastly, some of those folks who are contributors will probably help DISTRIBUTE content too, so i'll give them a few tools to help do that, but they should already be motivated to help distribute so we don't need to worry too much.  WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

Now, there are already several errors in assumption/prioritization here:

Image by skinnie minnie via Flickr

• people who DISTRIBUTE are not necessarily the same people who CONTRIBUTE (translation: "PIMPs ain't HOs")
• even for those who do both, it's possible the higher-value action is to DISTRIBUTE, and yet most UI design emphasizes CONTRIBUTE features & actions higher.  but Contributors need Distributors and/or Affiliates to help bring in Visitors. ("HOs need PIMPs to get JOHNs")
• most of your VISITORS ain't gonna do shit except check out your content for free, jerk off on something they like, then skip town before paying you one goddamn cent.  ("window shopping is free & easy, except in Amsterdam... but PIMPS help make sure JOHNs pay up de HOs")

thus, the way most people manage audience looks like this:

1. HOs
2. Johns
3. Pimps

however, the order you should REALLY use is THIS:

1. Pimps
2. Johns
3. HOs

that's right folks.  The Internet works just like the Ghet-to. 

Pimps go FIRST, bee-atch. 

and if you don't like it, then Step OFF!...

cuz I'll beat your ass with my Pimp Cane and Cup and one mouse click tied behind my back.

we now return you to your regularly schedule Sesame Ghetto Street programming:

Ghetto Sesame Street

Comments

[Kelly Tirman]

LOL. I love it. Keep Pimpin'

[Curtis Drafton]

LMAO! Hella funny but true. Honestly the games all messed up to where the Ho's are doin more pimpin than the pimps!

Well...slap a Ho too many times, she might start likin it! LOL!

Seriously. Get at me tho... lookin for a angel in our biz [we're already up and running nationally]. Not to disappoint...TRUST!

curtis_drafton@yahoo.com <-- gotta leave the non-comp address on your blog... security reasons, feel me?

[wayne]

you are last world freak dave..really i love if man...

[Marissa Louie]

@tedr the PIMPs have to go to the right brothels to get the right HOs

(fish where the fish are)

And ideally we want the JOHNs to be paying visitors who convert into PIMPs who love your product like a kid likes crack err cake.

[Ted Rheingold]

Serious question:

What PIMP can work without HOs? Building a service made for pimpin' before the merchandise (aka the HOs) even show up is like hiring a sales and marketing team before there is even a product, right?

So putting HOs last in your priority means you could get the first two right (i.e. attract PIMPs and JOHNs) but still fail because their aint no HOs...

[DaddyLongStroke]

good analogy, but what's the point?...

add more of those lollipop "share" links?

too much of that makes you look like a desperate ho.

[SimplyHiredGuy]

great stuff Dave!

[DAG]

you're freaking crazy Dave. love it.

[Chris Yeh]

To quote the immortal KRS-1: Capitalism is a pimp and ho economy. You're either a pimp or a ho.

Keep pimpin' Dave!

[sprfrkr]

DMC, craziest blog post ever. Too $hort:

Life is to some people unbearable
Committin suicide and thats terrible
Was it much too much or nothing big?
If ya live my life, youd be fightin to live
Life is to me my main asset
I be doin all right and keep it just like that
Chill out at the house and pump that bass
Im tryin to get rich as I rock the place
Everybodys got that same old dream
To have big money and fancy things
Drive a brand new benz, keep your banck right here
Never hear me stutter once because I talk real clear
Its on you, homeboy, watcha gonna do?
You can take my advice and start workin, fool
Or you can close your ears and run your mouth
And one day, homeboy, ya soon find out

Life is too short
Too short
Life is too short

[Eric N.]

Too Short - Baller

There's gotta be somethin you can do wit'cha life
Sell things that a whole bunch of people will buy

You don't see dealers pushin' tofu. They're pushing shit people like.